I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
