There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
