I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
