I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
