take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's never too late to be topless.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
