I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
