"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
