i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
