i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
