I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no, he came in my armpit
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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