At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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