Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
