i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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