I'm really into asian looking animals
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
