I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
