watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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