you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize