she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
