im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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