So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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