There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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