How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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