I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
