The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
