Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
