you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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