I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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