I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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