even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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