woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
