you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize