I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
