she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
