It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
