this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize