I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
