Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
