there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
