I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
