so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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