whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize