and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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