Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i drank out of a bidet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
