If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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