Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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