I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
