FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
