I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
