you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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