apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
