Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
