WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
