he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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