I wannas sexs uuuuu
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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