i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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