Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
