D3 body, D1 cock
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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