I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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