We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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