Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
