as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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