I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
