tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
