so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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