so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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