The maid of honor just puked.
My room smells like vodka and shame
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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