Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
