Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
